Dread and Delight are Friends

Today is May the 9th.
We have only one week of school remaining.

For the last several weeks I have been anticipating the glorious moment when I will step out of my last final exam and breathe that welcome sigh of relief we are all so happily familiar with. My classes this semester have been sub par, and as far as course material is concerned, I've been fairly unimpressed, and am happy to move on to bigger and better things (famous last words...).

However, these feelings of blithe anticipation have been simultaneously tainted by a subtle sense of uncertainty and borderline dread. This dread has showed its ugly head in reminding me that in the next two weeks, the people I spend daily time with will be out of my life for nearly three months.

Last summer, I spent time in Tulsa. I was eager to return home after my first year at school in order to revive relationships from high school that had been neglected while I was away, and spend some time with my family and others in town whom I had missed. What I found was that my friends from high school were either spending the summer out of town or had made other friends or other plans and were no longer around. My friends from college were at various places, namely, Camp Wabanna and Norman, and my family had a life that existed independently of mine that they were all busy keeping up.

Last summer, I was exceedingly lonely about 90% of the time.

After spending a semester in pretty nearly daily fellowship and community with friends who love and support me so faithfully, I am feeling that a summer under similar circumstances as last year will be even more painfully lonesome. While I will have some friends in town (Justin, I have not forgotten you) I am not ignorant of the fact that many of my closest friends will be away, and that even Justin and I will have some trouble finding things to keep us entertained all summer.

So what do I do? Do I get two jobs and work 60 hours a week? Do I make an effort to make friends with people I know I will not be around in 3 months?

Just smile all the time--that's How to fight Loneliness.

So, as I take my exams, I am torn between my desire to be delighted to be finished with French and five hour classes, and the desire to slow down time so that things I love can stay as they are.

I have a lot to look forward to post-summer that is exciting to think about. I do not usually warm up to change immediately, but I know that I will adapt. And life will be fine. And God will still be God, and will still be good. My friends will still be my friends. Summer has the potential to teach me a lot.

My summer project is to make my blog posts shorter.